Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
