i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize