I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
