She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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