So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How naked do you want me to be?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
