Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
