Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
