woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
