You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
