its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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