The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
