the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
