dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
