I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
