you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
