i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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