P.S. I can't hear my feet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
