I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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