if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
