Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
