Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
