she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
