I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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