i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
