then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
