Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
