yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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