There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
