I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize