I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
