don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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