i need an iv and a liver transplant
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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