Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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