If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
