Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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