Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
