WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
