Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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