go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize