why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
