I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
