that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
