I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
