Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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