my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My dick has a subreddit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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