i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
