I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
