dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
