Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
