I got chris browned last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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