No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
