He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
