Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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