His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
