I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
