He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
