I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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