i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
