My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
