I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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