nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
should my penis look like a turkey
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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