I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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