We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
