i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
