I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize