I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
