Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
