nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
