I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I forget how to act sober
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
