I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
