So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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