Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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