i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
