you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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