My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
