dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
