your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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