I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
