it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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