We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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