fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
