The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think i have herpe
just one?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
