OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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