I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
