Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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