Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
