dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it hurts more in the daytime
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
