my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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