If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
