I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
