my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
