I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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