shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
