Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
