I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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