Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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