took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize